Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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