Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
