If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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