normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
