i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
