those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
