Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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