3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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