You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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