Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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