I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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