her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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