Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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