I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
