he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
