and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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