I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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