Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
