There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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