I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize