I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you inspire me to be a worse person
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
