hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize