she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
