My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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