You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
