Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ttyl tear gas
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
