I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
