Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
