Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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