Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
