i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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