I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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