I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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