My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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