Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
