what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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