There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
