and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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