I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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