I'm really into asian looking animals
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
