I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
