its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
