That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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