weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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