so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
