Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
