Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
