she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
