You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
