Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
