i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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