Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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