Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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