DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
