like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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