come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
