Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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