hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize