After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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